ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
