Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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