Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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