How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
