Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
