i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is it because I queefed?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
