david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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