I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
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Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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