if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Randomize
