Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize