Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
