my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I could fuck to npr.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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