i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
