My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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