remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
