I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
