No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
