I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
