ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
