No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
