if you like me you must not know who I am
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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