i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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