If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
