the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
