I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
