But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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