Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
