She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize