Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
