tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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