census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She told me I should be a condom model.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
