i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
