lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Randomize
