I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
