Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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