You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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