i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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