Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
