You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
