My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
