They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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