Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
