i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
