You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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