Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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