i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
