Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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