Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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