What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
