You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
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Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
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You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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