I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
