Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
