its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
