Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
