Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
