I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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