Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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