Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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