New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
