My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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