I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
