Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
