I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
