I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize