dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
