sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
