he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
