it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
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I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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