gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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