If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wish i was in the wii world.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
