Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
